Squirl's Nest

Thursday, September 08, 2005

Living dangerously at Granny's Kitchen

Ichabod and I used to go to St Louis every Spring around Memorial Day. They have a fantastic botanical garden there. We haven't been there in quite some time. We do need to go again.

On one of those long weekends we decided to spend a day someplace besides right in St Louis. Hannibal, MO was our destination of choice. I love to go on guided tours through caves. The cave there is a dry cave, no running water anymore. It was a nice place to have town meetings in the middle of the summer back before air conditioning.

It is also the cave that Mark Twain wrote about in The Adventures of Tom Sawyer. The guides are good there. They can tell you what part of the story happened at the different places in the cave. I recommend it to anyone.

After our cave tour we decided to get something to eat. We were in an old industrial part of town and I believe it was a Sunday. Not much was open. Then we found a restaurant, Granny's Kitchen.

I don't know why we didn't turn tail and run to the nearest Burger King but, hey, I guess we like adventure. The place was dilapidated. The tables and chairs were all mismatched and appeared to be from the 1950's. The plastic placemats were either glued to the tables or else the tables were so dirty that the placemats were stuck forever. We still didn't run.

The owner must have been Granny. She was sitting watching a rerun of The Streets of San Francisco. It must have pained her to have to leave her show, but we were paying customers.

She brought us menus and we decided on burgers and fries. I figured if she'd have to cook everything, maybe it wouldn't be too contaminated. I also take bathroom breaks whenever I get a chance. This one was narrow and slanted downhill. It wasn't until I was done going that I realized there was no sink in it. That just about did it for me, but still we stayed.

When she brought our cans of soft drink she had styrofoam cups we could use rather than drink straight from the can. Again a clue, the cups all advertised a bail bonds place, as did the big calendar on the wall.

If any health official had ever been close to there it was only to pick up his bribe money. I hope the bribe wasn't in food. Anyway, we both, intrepidly, ate our meals. Then we paid and got out of there.

I still can't believe neither one of us contracted food poisoning. They say whatever doesn't kill you makes you stronger. If it doesn't make you stronger it can, at least, make good blog fodder.

36 comments

Blogger Mr. Bloggerific Himself said...

You just described every food joint in Owensboro, KY.

(kidding, just kidding, but holy shit I love me some brownies)

Thu Sep 08, 08:16:00 AM  
Blogger Kitty said...

Dammit Squirl - will you just send Mr. B some brownies already :).

Thu Sep 08, 09:26:00 AM  
Blogger LadyBug said...

Now wait just a darned minute here.

If you're sending out brownies, I better be on that list too! ;o)

Oh, and Granny's Kitchen sounds just...horrifying. Blech.

Thu Sep 08, 10:04:00 AM  
Blogger Bucky Four-Eyes said...

Are you sure you didn't accidentally go into Granny's Douchebag?

Thu Sep 08, 11:06:00 AM  
Blogger eclectic said...

Eeeeew. Bad Granny, Bad Bucky. BRAVE, and hopefully not poisoned, Squirl and Ichabod.

Thu Sep 08, 11:29:00 AM  
Blogger Squirl said...

Mr B, I didn't ask her if she had any brownies.

Kitty, he just loves to say that he loves them, right?

Ladybug, I haven't started a brownie delivery service yet, though Closet Metro did send some to chemofied VonKranki.

Granny's kitchen was disgusting.

Bucky, it should have been named more appropriately. Did I ever tell you about that place? It's grosser than I could really tell here. At least that's the way I remember it.

Eclectic, well that was a number of years ago and we never noticed any ill effects. I didn't blog at the time, but if I had I would have seen it for the blog-fodder that it was. :-)

Thu Sep 08, 12:10:00 PM  
Blogger Effie said...

The cave written about in Tom Sawyer--that is so cool! I thought it was fictional!

"and we still stayed" even after the bathroom with no sink?!?! Well, we probably would have stayed too--too lazy to go find somewhere else...was the burger tasty at least? You must be one strong chicky-poo now!

Teehee (giggling like a 12 year-old) my verification word is pnesyo teehee

Thu Sep 08, 12:59:00 PM  
Blogger Squirl said...

Effie, I didn't know that cave was real either until we toured it. Didn't you mention wanting to see Mammoth Cave sometime? I've been there twice, it's in my home state. But I do love caves. Ich and I have also been to the Onondaga cave, too, in Missouri.

Yes, laziness could have been a motivating factor in staying. Maybe it was like driving by a horrible accident and you can't look away. Or something like that. :-) I love your word verification. I hope Bucky reads that too. She'll enjoy it. I think mine's funny, it's hehfek

Thu Sep 08, 01:46:00 PM  
Blogger Nina said...

Well I think you are brave to have eaten at Granny's Kitchen . . . eww.
I do love to stop at whole in wall Mexican restaurants. They have the best and traditional Mexican food. But the tables are clean and I can't recall that I was ever given a styrofoam cup at a restaurant.

Thu Sep 08, 02:05:00 PM  
Blogger Mr. Bloggerific Himself said...

You wouldn't believe the food joint I ate in today. Place was a wreck, even had unfolded towels in a basket sitting on the couch. Oh wait, that was my own home, never mind.

Thu Sep 08, 02:10:00 PM  
Blogger Squirl said...

Nanina, sometimes those hole in the wall type places have the best food. We try to avoid chain places, usually better food and more, um, adventure. I think it's even funnier that the cups advertised bail bonds.

Mr B, I bet you know who's responsible if you get food poisoning in that dive. Oops, I mean in your own kitchen.

My word verification this time is ofrap

Thu Sep 08, 02:15:00 PM  
Blogger Mr. Bloggerific Himself said...

"Ofrap, oh crap, I'm out of brownies and frappes!"

(Word has it sqrrrrl, that the person responsible, isn't.)

Thu Sep 08, 03:38:00 PM  
Blogger Nina said...

"The cups advertised bail bonds."
Okay I had to go back and read it again, I missed that the first time around. . . . now I am imagining granny with a 5 o'clock shadow and cigar.

Thu Sep 08, 03:40:00 PM  
Blogger Ern said...

NO FUCKING SINK IN THE BATHROOM!? OMG, I would have been so out of there at that point! I guess you just have to hope that the employees are diligent about washing once they get back to the kitchen!

Thu Sep 08, 03:59:00 PM  
Blogger Squirl said...

Nanina, if I hadn't been there myself I would have wondered about the veracity of this story. In retrospect, it's a pretty funny story.

Ern, I'm not sure why we didn't leave except that it was the only open food place around there. I think Granny lived there. She appeared to be a one woman show. I can only hope she washed her own hands in the kitchen. :-)

Thu Sep 08, 04:34:00 PM  
Blogger Squirl said...

Mr B, how did I miss your comment? I like ofrap. But the person responsible isn't? Now I'm intrigued.

Thu Sep 08, 05:06:00 PM  
Blogger JessicaRabbit said...

My personal policy is if I wont use a bathroom in a place, I sure wont eat their food.

I would of run screaming.

No thats a lie, you wouldnt of even been able to get me in the door.

THAT is the truth. I am, well, I am a restaurant snob.

But the cave? Kickass! Tom Sawyer was one of the first real novels I ever read. I think I was in first grade at the time, my gramma bought the book for one of my cousins for xmas and he tossed it to the side like it was junk, I snatched it up and read it for YEARS. Love that book.

Fri Sep 09, 01:44:00 AM  
Blogger Squirl said...

Hey, Jess, the cave is really cool. I know you don't travel much, but it really is a fun tour. You don't have to eat at Granny's kitchen, there are other restaurants if you're willing to drive to a different area.

Fri Sep 09, 09:07:00 AM  
Blogger Mr. Bloggerific Himself said...

We all know people that are responsible, but aren't responsible don't we?

Fri Sep 09, 10:16:00 AM  
Blogger Squirl said...

Mr B, you are sooo right. I just did a typo. Instead of the left caret I typed a capital M after the capital B. That gives a whole new meaning to Holy Shit!

Fri Sep 09, 10:44:00 AM  
Blogger Effie said...

Yeah--my hubby and I always try to find a cave when we're out on our roadtrips--when we were in Ohio we went to a different kind of cave--it didn't have stalactites and stalagmites--it was called a "crack" cave that was caused by water washing out the limestone in between the other layers of stone--kind of cool!

We plan on eventually going to Missouri--Onondaga it is!

Too bad Granny's food wasn't great--sometimes those rotten looking places have the best food...

Fri Sep 09, 11:15:00 AM  
Blogger Squirl said...

Effie, the Onondaga is much, much bigger and impressive than the Mark Twain cave. Each has its own charm, though.

Yeah, unfortunately, Granny's food was as lousy as the atmosphere.

Fri Sep 09, 12:24:00 PM  
Blogger Bucky Four-Eyes said...

That's only 'cause you didn't ask Granny for sex. That's the REAL specialty of the place. "Kitchen" is just a nickname for her...well...the loose-lipped area in her XL green panties.

Fri Sep 09, 01:41:00 PM  
Blogger greatwhitebear said...

There is a clone of the place you describe in Union Lake MI. It's called THE COUNTRY KITCHEN. Warning to all you Oakland Co. folks. No matter how hungry you are, DON'T GO THERE. My daughter still has nightmares!

Squirl, you and Ichabod are truly brave.

Fri Sep 09, 02:46:00 PM  
Blogger Squirl said...

Thanks, Bucky, now I'm going to have vivid, full-color nightmares of that place!

GreatWhite, thanks for the warning. Ichabod and I are either brave, lazy, or stupid. :-)

Fri Sep 09, 03:24:00 PM  
Blogger eclectic said...

Bucky, eew. Squirl, Bucky made me hurl. Make her stop! An' don't say you can't, cause you are TOO the boss of her... 'cause you're the CLASSY sister, dammit! Gaah! Now we'll have to always eat out because I can never, ever again spend time in a kitchen.

Oh, and BTW, you're still on the hook over at Sierra's. ;)

Fri Sep 09, 07:22:00 PM  
Blogger Squirl said...

Eclectic, Bucky never took orders from anyone she didn't want to. I haven't been able to spank her since she was about five. She made me wanna hurl, too. About that kitchen thing? Ichabod and I just got back from eating dinner out. Granny's Kitchen food was bad enough. I don't even want to think about Bucky's version of Granny's (backroom) Kitchen.

I replied over at Sierrabella's BTW.

Fri Sep 09, 08:00:00 PM  
Blogger tshsmom said...

Makes me wonder how a place like that stays in business.
No customers, has time to watch TV...hmm... Maybe it was a bordello or drug haven?

Fri Sep 09, 09:41:00 PM  
Blogger Bucky Four-Eyes said...

Oh, no, granny's "backroom" is another form of entry entirely.

Sat Sep 10, 08:24:00 AM  
Blogger Squirl said...

tshsmom, could very well be. Had more the look of drugs than sex, though. It was a pretty seedy area of town. I don't know what the area's like during the week but it was pretty deserted on the weekend. Maybe there are workers in the area who eat lunch there. There was a bar right next door, though. Maybe there was co-ownership or something like that. A family business, maybe?

Bucky, durn it girl! How do you get so much more disgusting every day? If you'd seen Granny then you'd know that anyone who'd hire her for her "kitchen" or her "backroom" would have to be blind or totally out of his senses.

Sat Sep 10, 08:59:00 AM  
Blogger SierraBella said...

OMG- That's all!

Sat Sep 10, 01:53:00 PM  
Blogger Squirl said...

Sierrabella, I know you're busy, but I would have hated for you to miss the story on Granny's Kitchen. I guess that includes Bucky's comments. :-)

Sat Sep 10, 05:52:00 PM  
Blogger Von Krankipantzen said...

The bail bond cups cracked me up!

Mon Sep 12, 03:04:00 PM  
Blogger Squirl said...

Kranki, I even thought they were funny at that time. Not much else was very funny yet.

Mon Sep 12, 03:33:00 PM  
Blogger August95 said...

The no sink in the john would have put me off but what the heck. I hope the food was ok at the very least lol. I want to see Mr. B make some brownies and post a pic. Bring on the Brownies.

Mon Sep 12, 07:54:00 PM  
Blogger Squirl said...

August, the food was, well, edible. We just didn't feel like looking elsewhere. Yeah, Mr B should definitely be making and posting his brownies. He's seen yours and mine now. Oh, that sounded a bit naughty.

Mon Sep 12, 09:10:00 PM  

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