Squirl's Nest

Tuesday, April 26, 2005

Spanky and His Gang

Ichabod and I used to live by the lakeshore here in Michigan. It was a nice house, but the railroad track ran right through the yard. It was 25 feet from the front corner of the house. The house was in a neighborhood that used to be a more poor section. This town doesn’t have a “bad” section. I felt safe walking there any time of the day or night by myself. By the time that we moved there the neighborhood was getting be much nicer.

Anyway, just up the tracks from our house was a teeny little house that wasn’t even on the road. You had to drive up beside the tracks to get to it. Not that most of the people who ever lived there had cars. It probably used to be some building for the railroad.

Our first neighbor there was a woman who was very heavy and had bad health problems. Not really sure what happened but she moved suddenly. Maybe because of her health.

After a (blessed) period of vacancy Spanky moved in. His name was Kenny but he introduced himself as Spanky. He was in his forties, had a very gruff voice, and had probably been in prison at one time or another.

He didn’t have a car and must have walked to his second shift job. The loonies and drunks from around the neighborhood would hang out there all weekend. I really mean all weekend. They would sit in his yard all day and all night drinking beer and discussing life. That part we could handle.

One night, though, when he came home from his second shift job on a warm summer night, he started blasting his music. We didn’t have air conditioning and had our window open. It was after eleven o’clock at night.

Well, we fumed and waited, hoping he’d turn it down. Ichabod is usually a pretty cool, calm, rational guy. However by this time he was livid. He went over and pounded on Spanky’s door. Ichabod told him to be quiet. Spanky was drunk and didn’t take too well to being yelled at to turn down his music. Not only was he not going to turn it down, he was going to turn it up.

Ichabod came home and called the police. They came fairly soon, not much crime here, remember? We could hear Spanky telling them to come on in, they wouldn’t find any drugs. They finally got him to turn off the music.
After the cops left, Spanky came out in the yard. He was yelling that this was war and we’d never sleep again. The next time we saw him (it was daylight) he apologized and said he wasn’t really such a bad guy. Except that he kept doing and we had to keep calling the police. Thank goodness he finally moved, too. Marty moved in after that but that’s a whole ‘nother story.


Blogger JessicaRabbit said...

First! hah.

Ok really, I think that guy multiplied and now lives next to me with his two mullet headed buddies and one mullet head girl who ran over our stop sign in the middle of the day.

People need to stop breeding. Really.

Tue Apr 26, 08:53:00 PM  
Blogger Bucky Four-Eyes said...

I'm told the best defense against noisy neighbors is a bagpipe.

Tue Apr 26, 09:34:00 PM  
Anonymous LadyBug said...

So, why didn't Ichabod shout at Spanky, "Why don't you turn it up? I can't hear it."

Or was he afraid Spanky might do more than beat him on the kneecaps with the remote?

Tue Apr 26, 09:57:00 PM  
Blogger Susie said...

The worst we had was the fighting neighbors in the apartment, which we silenced with the porn...and then we had a girl who bounced the freakin' volleyball from our shared driveway to the side of her house, millions of times in a row...I can still hear that, but at least it didn't go thru the night.

Tue Apr 26, 10:13:00 PM  
Blogger Courtney said...

>>lakeshore here in Michigan<<

Assuming that it's Lake Michigan that you're talking about... LM is a beautiful, 'pristine' sight. It's a stunning lake. Made, that much more stunning, by the 'pristine' influence of "Tidy-Bowl (y'know those tablets you drop in your toity)"! This beautiful lake is also the same one that caught fire (literaly-- Chicago side). It's one of those (maybe?) 'mid-western things,' you just don't talk trash about LM or the Mississippi, unless you live there... :) And, damn, do they need some trash-talkin' -- what's with those funky carp?

"Heeere fishy, fishy fishy!"

(yes, I've had a couple/three beers, But it really does make sense!)

Wed Apr 27, 12:15:00 AM  
Blogger Squirl said...

Jess, who is first, that is the type that breeds and breeds. It's obvious you don't need to be very bright make babies. :-)

Bucky, in the last place we lived there was a guy who would play bagpipe now and then. I'm scared to see myself type this, but he wasn't bad.

Ladybug, I need to ask him that. There might have been more than a remote control war there, though.

Susie, I can't stand it when somebody bounces a ball over and over. It's like Chinese water torture.

Rcat/Courtney, yes it's Lake Michigan of which I speak. It does get pretty trashy and stinky sometimes. And those carp are pretty bold suckers.

I love it when you guys come in and comment. You make it all worthwhile. You also stay up later than I do.

Wed Apr 27, 08:53:00 AM  
Blogger Spurious Plum said...


Yet another reason not to trust grown men named 'Spanky'.

Wed Apr 27, 09:27:00 AM  
Blogger Kitty said...

WWAD - What would Alfalfa do?

Wed Apr 27, 09:42:00 AM  
Blogger Squirl said...

Plum, I think Kitty has the answer. We could go all Alfalfa on his ass!

Wed Apr 27, 11:14:00 AM  
Blogger Effie said...

I think that the best defense is a nice, loud and out of tune trumpet--easy to play and make loud noises on--the reveille works real nice!

Wed Apr 27, 04:18:00 PM  
Blogger SierraBella said...

The worst neighbor I had was when I rented a downstairs apartment, and he was directly above me.
He was a Deadhead (no problem) but would play just one of their songs over, and over...
I'm talking hours, days, and weeks here.
I still freak out when I hear that song.

Wed Apr 27, 05:44:00 PM  
Blogger Squirl said...

Effie - Yeah that would have been perfect when I left to go to work at 7:30 while he was sleeping off his beers. :-)

Sierrabella - Jungle Jane borrowed my Simon and Garfunkle record and kept playing "I'd Rather Be a Hammer Than a Nail" over and over again. I'd been given the album, but I liked it alright. Not after that, though. I told her she could keep it when she got married and moved.

Wed Apr 27, 08:02:00 PM  
Blogger Tardist said...

Some famous dead guy once said, "Good fences make good neighbors", but I say screw the fence - you and Ichabod shoulda walled him up in the basement of his house. Without a beer.

Wed Apr 27, 08:43:00 PM  
Blogger greatwhitebear said...

Ahhh...someone who understands what life is like here in the student ghetto!

Wed Apr 27, 10:35:00 PM  
Blogger Squirl said...

Tardist - that might have been a good plan except that his hovel was on a slab of cement. Darn.

GreatWhite - Where we live now is way worse. All the bars are pretty close to our apartment and our bedroom faces the streets that they use to wander drunkenly and loudly to their cars.

Thu Apr 28, 09:07:00 AM  
Anonymous Al Green said...

Hey, Pretty Lady,

I've been lurking ever since your first post. You had me at "pickled bologna."

I want you to be my SOUL mate. I'm so tired of bein' alone, I'm so tired of bein' alone...

I want to be with YOU.

Your Soul Man,

Thu Apr 28, 09:57:00 AM  
Blogger Squirl said...

Oh, Al, I've just dreamed of this day. When can we get together? I know a great cure for your loneliness. Don't tell Ichabod. Baby, be my SOUL MAN!

Thu Apr 28, 10:26:00 AM  
Anonymous Barry Cowsill said...

What, Squirl, you've forgotten about our love so soon?
Who's gonna sing to you about your "Hair"?
Who's gonna take you cruisin' with Captain Sad and His Ship of Fools?

Why, Squirl, why?

Thu Apr 28, 10:45:00 AM  
Blogger Squirl said...

Barry, are you still hot for me? You never could accept the fact that it was John I loved. But now my heart's broken because I saw he recently remarried. That Vicki bitch had better watch out.

Thu Apr 28, 12:10:00 PM  
Blogger Susie said...

barry cowsill...you're killing me...the best one i've seen...

Thu Apr 28, 01:19:00 PM  
Anonymous LadyBug said...

Who the capital F is Barry Cowsill??

Thu Apr 28, 01:49:00 PM  
Blogger Nilbo said...

Pfft. The young'uns today. LadyBug, do you not remember "Indian Lake"? (It was a sunnnyshnnns lake in the summertime) ... or "I Think I Love You" ...

Barry Cowsill and his clan were the Partidge Family before the Partidge Family came along.

God, I'm sooo fricking old.

Thu Apr 28, 02:04:00 PM  
Blogger Squirl said...

Nilbo, I'm glad somebody out there remembers the Cowsills besides me. Me and my rotten little sister. Did she turn nine years-old again or something? One of these days she's gonna tell the stories about how she humiliated and tortured me when we were both much younger.

Thu Apr 28, 02:20:00 PM  
Blogger Squirl said...

Ladybug, you can listen to clips of The Cowsills greatest hits here: http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/detail/-/B00005LNG7/qid=1114712433/sr=8-1/ref=sr_8_xs_ap_i1_xgl15/102-4370225-8124132?v=glance&s=music&n=507846

Thu Apr 28, 02:23:00 PM  
Blogger Nilbo said...

Did she turn nine years old AGAIN ...? As if she'd long since passed that level of maturity.

And if anybody on earth can tell me what kind of frigging lake Indian Lake was in the summertime, I'd be eternally grateful. If by "eternally" you mean "for the time it takes me to ingest, file, and forget the information".

Thu Apr 28, 02:29:00 PM  
Blogger Squirl said...

Where is Indian Lake???

Thu Apr 28, 02:51:00 PM  
Blogger Bucky Four-Eyes said...

I think it's adjacent to the shore.

Thu Apr 28, 02:55:00 PM  
Blogger Nilbo said...

"Indian Lake" ... by the Cowsills? I have no idea where it is, but you're supposed to keep it in mind when you're looking to find a place in the summer sin." Because it's " ... a somethingsomething lake in the summertime." Dammit. This is going to bug me ALL day.

Thu Apr 28, 03:00:00 PM  
Blogger Nilbo said...

heehee I said "summer sin". I meant "summer sun".

Thu Apr 28, 03:01:00 PM  
Blogger PaintingChef said...

I LOVE crazy ass neighbors. LOVE THEM and the stories that they provide for blogs and drunken escapades. I don't have any right now and that makes me a little sad...

Thu Apr 28, 03:15:00 PM  
Blogger Squirl said...

Bucky - har, har

Nilbo - you said summer sin, sounds like fun

Paintingchef - my sleep would be better if I didn't have rude neighbors, but you're right, they do make for good blog stories.

Thu Apr 28, 03:42:00 PM  
Blogger Susie said...

Do I have to do everything for you people?

Indian Lake is a scene you should make in the summertime...

See? We were all about "makin' the scene" back in the day.

Fri Apr 29, 10:13:00 AM  
Blogger Squirl said...

Thanks, Susie, we can always count on you.

Fri Apr 29, 10:39:00 AM  

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